ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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