I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize