I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
