btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
