not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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