I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
