My liver just broke up with me...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
