my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
