Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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