I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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