Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
