i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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