Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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