Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
