areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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