I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
