Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
