During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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