Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
