I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
