You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
