Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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