I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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