He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
