Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
