so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
