Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
