I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
