just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
