Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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