last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
