There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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