you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
