Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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