It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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