My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
