just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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