I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
