1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
