He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
