guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
