I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
