im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
