I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
