Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
