if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
