yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
