I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
