I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
