Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
